


Ten Times Lelouch and Euphie Hugged Suzaku and the One time He Hugged Them

by Luluko Kururugi (LokasennaHiddleston)



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Porn with Feelings, Suzaku Gets a Hug, Suzaku Needs a Hug, Suzaku deserves better, Tissue Warning, poor suzaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:33:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26299477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokasennaHiddleston/pseuds/Luluko%20Kururugi
Summary: There were two people Suzaku gave his heart two--Lelouch and Euphie. He lost them both, to hatred, blood, and duty. In the wake of the Zero Requiem, can he get them back? This is the story of Suzaku's past, present, and future - told in hugs.
Relationships: Euphemia li Britannia/Kururugi Suzaku, Euphemia li Britannia/Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Euphemia li Britannia/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 7
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alchimique (flintlockedheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flintlockedheart/gifts).



> This is the first Suza/Euphie story I'm writing. I honestly wasn't planning to do something new for the Code Geass fandom anytime soon since I had so many WIPs already, but this one is special - dedicated to the wonderful people of C's World Discord and especially alchi - who is helping me gather a stash of Suzaku merch and have it delivered. Without further ado, enjoy the fic!

_One. Lelouch_

Japan was burning. Bodies lay strewn on the ground, the scent of rotting flesh rising around them like a toxic miasma.

Suzaku sat down on a tree trunk, keeping an eye on the sleeping Nunnally. They'd been walking for what seemed like ages, although he knew it couldn't have been that long. A few days, maybe. It had been enough for Britannia to utterly decimate the Japanese people.

_"And whose fault is that?"_ a voice that sounded an awful lot of his father roared at the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it, but it was getting louder and louder with every second that passed.

The drying blood on the bodies of his people reminded him of a different body. His father had been so still, lying there in a puddle of his own blood...

Suzaku tasted bile in his mouth. It took everything in his power to not fall apart and burst into tears. _I did what I had to do. If we'd kept fighting, more people would have died. And Lelouch and Nunnally... He would have killed them. He would have killed them._

"Suzaku?" Lelouch asked, sitting next to him. "Are you okay?"

Suzaku must have looked pretty pathetic indeed if Lelouch was focusing on him instead of Nunnally. His Britannian friend was very protective of his little sister—not that Suzaku had ever blamed him. It was what had brought them together, after all. That pure affection that Lelouch had for Nunnally had ultimately made Suzaku see that it was wrong of him to look down on Lelouch for his blood.

He had to stay strong. He had to stay strong for Lelouch and Nunnally. Lelouch was strong—just not physically. He wouldn't be able to survive a war zone on his own. He had to keep them safe.

He forced a smile on his face. "Fine. Or... You know, as fine as I can be."

If anything, Lelouch looked more concerned. He also obviously didn't believe Suzaku. "I'm sorry," he said. "That was a dumb question."

For a few seconds, they just sat there on the tree trunk and looked at one another. And then, unexpectedly, Lelouch reached for him and threw his arms around him.

It wasn't the first time they'd hugged. But every other time, it had been different. At the shrine, everything had been warm and filled with sunlight. The three of them had sat on meadows, surrounded by sunflowers and laughed and told fairytales. There had occasionally been shadows in Lelouch's eyes, whenever he'd stumble into a conversation about Pendragon, the memories of his dead mother always haunting him. But even then, they'd been happy.

There was no more sunlight now, no more smiles and laughter. But Suzaku still squeezed Lelouch in his arms, as tightly as he could. He wanted to imprint this moment in his memory, to make it last forever.

They were surrounded by death and blood. They were covered in grime and sweat. But even so, there wouldn't be too many hugs left for them in the future.

If things went the way Suzaku thought they would, Japan would become an Area, and Suzaku a Number. Lelouch would be a Britannian prince. Their paths would forever be separated. He didn't want it to be this way, but there was no way to ignore it.

And maybe Lelouch knew that too, because his skinny arms tightened around Suzaku too. And when they finally dared to break the embrace, he made an oath. “I will obliterate Britannia! I swear, Suzaku, I will make them pay.”

Suzaku looked at his friend and saw the grief and fury in Lelouch's eyes. And yet, he didn't want Lelouch to do that. He didn't want Lelouch to ever experience this feeling bubbling in his chest like poison.

He took a deep breath and reached for their tiny pack with shaking hands. He'd managed to scrounge up some food for them, none of it very good, but enough to keep them going. "Come on, Lelouch," he whispered as he pulled out some food from the pack. "Eat something. Don't think about that right now."

The wind went out of Lelouch's sails. "We shouldn't," he said hesitantly. "We should keep it for Nunnally."

"It'll be fine," Suzaku promised him, pushing the slightly moldy bread into Lelouch's hands. "I'll protect you."

Lelouch believed him and ate. And Suzaku dreamed of a world where he and his friends could truly be happy together, and where their field of sunflowers would never be torn apart by knightmares again.

****

_Two. Lelouch_

“This is ridiculous. How do I even take this nonsense off?”

Suzaku watched with a grin as Lelouch futilely tried to wipe the whiskers off his face. He hadn’t been all that thrilled about Milly’s idea to throw Arthur a welcome party in the first place, but in the end, he’d agreed to it, and Suzaku had been so glad. He hadn’t spent too much time with the Student Council at Ashford, but still, the thought that they could have died at the hotel hijacking… It still filled him with a dread he didn’t want to think about. And once again, he’d been practically helpless to stop it--to protect them, or to protect Princess Euphemia.

_No, don’t think about it. Focus on Lelouch._

It was very easy to do that. Lelouch was still focusing on the makeup and was completely oblivious to the fact that the rest of his feline suit clung to him in all the right places. Suzaku felt a little bad about ogling his friend, but it wasn’t like Lelouch would ever know.

He wriggled his way out of his own blue suit--and dear God, what had possessed him to pick it? It was as sweltering as one of the old knightmares--and leaned against the wall in just his boxers. “Do you need help with that, Lelouch?”

“No, I don’t need help,” Lelouch hissed like an irritated cat. “I mean… Ugh. Maybe.”

He turned and shot Suzaku a look over his shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw Suzaku out of his suit. “Why are you standing there half-naked?”

By the end of the sentence, his voice sounded almost comically high-pitched. It was hilarious, since the rest of the time, he had a very deep, pleasant baritone. Suzaku distantly wondered if it was a Britannian superpower, then banished the ridiculous thought to the back of his mind.

“I’m just hot, Lelouch. Besides, it’s not like I have anything you don’t.”

“Yes, but… But…”

Lelouch’s face flamed and he looked away. Suzaku grinned at him. “But?”

“Never mind that, you giant dolt. You said you were going to help me with this.”

“Yes, yes. But you should ask me nicely.”

Lelouch glared at him, and Suzaku laughed at him again. Their exchange reminded him so much of the time they’d spent together at children, at the shrine. He was an Eleven now, and if not for that whole business with Arthur and the Student Council, he couldn’t even have shown Nunnally and Lelouch friendship. It was so nice to be able to tease his friend again like this.

Of course, there was only so much he could push before Lelouch pushed back. “Please, Suzaku. Would you be so kind as to help me?”

He said the words in perfectly fluent, formal Japanese, and Suzaku wanted to chastise him for it. If anyone heard him speaking Japanese here at Ashford, there would be hell to pay. But they were in the Student Council building and Lelouch would have never taken the chance if he’d thought it was dangerous, not when Nunnally’s safety was reliant on them staying under the radar.

When they’d been growing up, Lelouch’s Japanese had been broken, bits and pieces he’d learned to make do while he scrounged up food for himself and Nunnally. Suzaku had taught him a little more after they’d become friends, but he’d never sounded so fluent. He must have learned after that, probably from Sayoko. The thought that Lelouch had put in the effort meant so much to Suzaku.

“Of course,” he replied.

Suddenly, the air was filled with a tension that hadn’t been there before. Suzaku walked up to his friend’s side and picked up the cream Lelouch had been using before. With painstaking care, he started to clean Lelouch’s face. His friend had such a fair complexion that it was tougher than it should have been. Even the smallest smudge stood out. But Suzaku was nothing if not determined. The drawn whiskers didn’t have a chance.

Ironically, by the time he was done, color had flooded Lelouch’s face. Suzaku would have teased his friend again, but he wasn’t in a teasing mood anymore.

Lelouch looked straight into his eyes. They were almost at the same height, with Lelouch being just a bit taller. Lelouch was still only wearing that damn cat costume.

“Suzaku…” he whispered.

It was a bad idea. Suzaku knew it was a bad idea. He might have acknowledged that Lelouch was attractive--really, anyone with eyes would notice that--but that didn’t mean Suzaku could do anything about it.

His body disagreed with him and he found himself wrapping an arm around Lelouch’s waist and pulling him closer. “Lelouch, I…”

Lelouch’s pulse was hammering. His pupils dilated and his breathing accelerated. He was tense and he didn’t move a muscle, but he was right there, in Suzaku’s reach. In fact, they were so close to one another that they were almost in a strange half-embrace.

Suzaku leaned in. Their lips were inches apart. He could have sworn Lelouch leaned in a little too. His hand landed on Suzaku’s bare chest, right over his heart.

They were seconds away from kissing when a shrill sound echoed from Suzaku’s bag. It was as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over both their heads.

It was Suzaku’s military issue communicator. Lloyd had probably come up with something else to throw at Suzaku in the Lancelot trials. Either way, it reminded Suzaku of his position--and why it was a very bad idea to reach out to Lelouch like this.

He stumbled away from Lelouch with a distinctive lack of grace. “I should… I should get that. It’s from work.”

Lelouch clenched his jaw, his eyes flaring with the same irritation he always displayed when Suzaku mentioned his work in the army. “Right. Work.”

The two curt syllables were like knives to Suzaku’s heart. He wished so badly he could make his friend see things his way. He had to do this. He had to prove to Britannians that Japanese weren’t any different from them. Until that happened, their relationship--err… friendship--would always be at risk.

But Lelouch would hardly listen to those arguments today, when Suzaku had come so close to kissing him. Cursing himself for being a greedy idiot, Suzaku quickly changed into his uniform and bid a hasty retreat.

While he was on his way out, Lelouch spoke again. “Suzaku, you don’t belong with them. You belong here, with Nunnally and me.”

Suzaku didn’t have a real answer to that, so instead, all he could say was a pathetic little ‘goodbye’. Lelouch didn’t answer. Suzaku tried not to think about how much that hurt.

****

_Three. Euphie_

Suzaku was lost in the whiteness. He couldn't breathe. All he could see was his father's accusing eyes, the way he'd looked during those last moments, when he'd sunk his blade into his flesh.

He'd had no other choice! He'd had no other choice. He'd done it for Japan.

Blood. So much blood. God, he could taste it in his mouth. It was all over his face, over his hands, in his hair. He couldn’t get rid of it, no matter how hard he tried.

"Suzaku! Suzaku!"

The gentle voice reached out to him, snapping him out of his trance. It was... Princess Euphemia? What?

Suzaku blinked, and the shadows of his past slowly faded away. He loosened his hold on the Lancelot controls. He'd been gripping them so tightly his hands were stiff. It was a miracle the controls hadn't snapped.

"Suzaku, are you all right?"

He looked up and saw Princess Euphemia leaning over him, staring into the cockpit. He wanted to answer, but no words came.

Cecile was there too, and between her and the princess, they helped him out of the knightmare. He was ashamed of himself for being so weak, for leaning on them like this. He had to be stronger, to be better. But he wasn't. If he had been, maybe he could have protected Japan in a better way.

They lay him down on the bed, and the next couple of minutes were a blur. He was pretty sure Cecile took his vital signs. Lloyd was saying something about broken parts in the background. Princess Euphemia didn't move from his side. She pulled up a chair next to his bed and held his hand the whole time.

Cecile occasionally asked him questions and he managed to muster a few reassurances. It still took a while for her to decide he wasn’t going to keel over and die while not under her watch.

When she excused herself and left, she threw a glance in the princess’s direction. The princess seemed oblivious to it. He wondered why she'd stayed. Surely, she had better things to do than to watch over someone like him.

Then again, she'd been kind with him from the very beginning, so very kind. Much kinder than he deserved. She was probably worried that he'd been wounded in battle.

Once Cecile was gone, the princess finally spoke again. "Suzaku? What happened?"

Suzaku swallowed around the knot in his throat. He didn't know. He'd had Zero cornered in Narita and then, that woman dressed in white had appeared. After that, everything was a blur.

"I... I..."

He should have come up with a way to reassure her, something similar to what he’d told Cecile. But he didn’t have the courage, not when the princess had asked him outright.

The silence stretched between them awkwardly as he struggled with what he wanted to say, feeling the words and memories suffocating him. But in the end, Euphie didn’t push. "It's okay," she whispered. "You don't have to tell me."

She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. Her hair smelled like lilac, discreet, yet so comforting.

Suzaku knew it was stupid to accept the hug. If anyone saw them like this... He couldn't even imagine the consequences. But he buried his face in the crook of her neck anyway. Her skin was so soft, like silk. She was so warm, and when she held onto him, he felt hope trickle in his heart again.

"I don't know what you went through out there, Suzaku," she whispered. "And I realize there's not very much I can do to help you. But even so, I just want you to know... I'm here."

The words were soft, barely audible, and they reminded him so much of Lelouch. She was so different from Lelouch, and yet, they were so alike. So strong, each in their own way. Suzaku closed his eyes and hugged her tighter. He knew he could never take her up on his offer. He had to turn her away.

It was just like he’d told Lelouch at Ashford, the night of their reunion. Suzaku was an Eleven and Princess Euphemia was Britannian royalty. The slightest connection between them--even if it was only friendship and not anything more--would taint her by association.

Besides, he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve her warmth and kindness, just like he didn’t deserve Lelouch’s generosity and outrage on his behalf. He was a murderer.

He let go of the princess and pulled away. "Thank you, Your Highness. I really appreciate it."

Princess Euphemia’s face fell, her lower lip trembling like she was about to cry. In the end, no tears fell. "Anytime, Suzaku,” she said instead, still smiling. “And remember, it's Euphie."

If only… If only she could be his Euphie and he could be her Suzaku. But it wasn’t possible. In time, she would learn that.

****

_Four. Lelouch_

“You want to save people’s lives? It’s your own wretched soul you’re trying to save. That’s why you’re always charging into danger, placing yourself on the edge of death! You’re no hero; you’re just trying to wash the blood off your hands!”

Suzaku knelt on the cold floor of the chapel, the poisonous words of the white-haired man echoing through his mind. It wasn’t true. He wanted to help the Japanese. He just… That was always what he’d wanted.

“I just… I just…”

He was distantly aware of Lelouch telling the strange man something. He should be moving. He should be standing up and immobilizing Nunnally’s kidnapper, like he and Lelouch had agreed.

But his head was full of cotton. He couldn’t think, let alone move. His limbs refused to obey him. The memories were back, flashes of the past, just as powerful as they’d been after Narita.

And then, all of a sudden, Lelouch was there. At first, Suzaku didn’t even process it. He was so lost in his own head that he only became aware of his friend’s presence when Lelouch wrapped his arms around him.

“... come on, Suzaku. Look at me. Snap out of it.”

Lelouch didn’t sound upset. He sounded angry. In the end, that was what shook Suzaku out of his trance. He’d seen that anger before, in the eyes of a child Lelouch, when Lelouch had pledged to obliterate Britannia. It was reassuring.

Or maybe what really reassured him was the embrace. Suzaku wanted to hug Lelouch back, but his body still refused to obey him. So instead, he slumped onto his friend awkwardly, breathing in Lelouch’s familiar scent.

“It’s okay now,” Lelouch said, petting his hair. “He’s gone. He’s gone. He won’t come back.”

Won’t come back? Who? Oh, the man… Nunnally’s kidnapper? Had Lelouch done something to him, to make sure he went away permanently?

Maybe he had. Lelouch had always been so much smarter than Suzaku. Suzaku didn’t want to think about that right now. But the words still haunted him, no matter how much he tried to escape them.

“I… I… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Who was he apologizing to? Lelouch? Lelouch didn’t seem to feel that way, because he didn’t acknowledge the words. His father? Words wouldn’t change what had happened. The Japanese? They would all happily spit on him, and it would be no less than he deserved.

“I only wanted to…”

He trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence, his thoughts scrambled. Lelouch’s hold on him tightened even further. “I know, Suzaku,” Lelouch said. “You were only trying to save your people, to end the war. None of it was your fault.”

If things had been different, Suzaku might have laughed. Who’d have ever said that there could be such strength in Lelouch’s skinny arms? Then again, Lelouch had always been strong, hadn’t he, ever since they’d been children. This time, though, Lelouch was wrong. He couldn’t see the truth. It was his fault.

He’d killed his father and it was a crime he could never escape, no matter how hard he tried.

****

_Five. Euphie_

"I don't know how to thank you for this, Euphie! It's... It's amazing."

Suzaku and Euphie stood together in the security room of the SAZ. From here, the staff could view and monitor the activity of the people in the new zone. Right now, the room was empty except for them, but they’d brought up the feed from the monitors anyway, so they could get a look at the results of Euphie’s efforts.

Tomorrow was the official inauguration of the SAZ. There had already been countless of Japanese who had applied.

Euphie had been forced to sacrifice her title for it, but she'd done it anyway. She was amazing. Suzaku really didn’t know what he’d done to deserve even meeting her, let alone receiving the honor of being her knight, but he would dedicate his life to proving that she’d made the right decision.

She was just as excited as him and showed no regret for having left behind her family. “I told you, Suzaku, I just want to make the people I love smile,” she said. “I think it’s a little selfish of me, but maybe that isn’t so bad.”

She looked at him, fidgeting slightly, her fingers twitching. To Suzaku, it suddenly seemed like she was nervous. “Is everything okay, Euphie?”

“What? Oh, yes, of course. Don’t worry about me, Suzaku.”

At that moment, Suzaku remembered that the SAZ hadn’t come without a price. Euphie had been forced to compromise in more than one way to make the SAZ work. “Is this about Zero?” he asked tightly.

Euphie had invited Zero to participate in the zone and she seemed convinced that he’d show up. Still, that damn terrorist had killed her brother. He’d pointed a gun at her on Kamine Island. He couldn’t be trusted. It was likely very difficult for her to handle him on top of everything else.

“Zero?” she repeated. “No, that has nothing to do with it. I think…” She paused and looked at the monitors, smiling softly. “No, I know that Zero will come. He wants the Japanese to be happy too.”

Did he? Suzaku wasn’t so sure. So many people had died because of Zero, at Narita. Even Shirley’s father had been among the victims. Yes, he’d been Britannian, but he’d been an innocent.

Suzaku didn’t believe in Zero’s ‘knights of justice’ rhetoric. If that had been true, Narita would have never happened.

“I know you’re skeptical, Suzaku,” Euphie said, “but even if you don’t trust Zero, trust me. This will work, I promise.”

Suzaku couldn’t say ‘no’ to her words or to her smile, but still, he had the feeling she was nervous about something. “What’s troubling you then, Princess?”

“It’s Euphie, Suzaku,” she corrected him. She never got tired of doing that, even if unavoidably slipped up and ended up calling her by her title. “And I’m not troubled. It’s just… Now that we’re here, at the SAZ, I just…”

She stole a peek at his face and blushed deeply. Realization dawned and Suzaku promptly felt like an idiot. He’d heard the Britannians whisper behind his back about the reasons why Euphie had picked him as her knight and he was realistic enough to acknowledge that the attraction did exist between them. But he’d never thought he could pursue it. It had been a dream, nothing more.

But maybe… Maybe it wasn’t a dream anymore? Maybe now that they were so close to giving the Japanese happiness, it was okay to… reach out?

Suzaku didn’t dare. She was still his princess. And with Euphie, it wasn’t like with Lelouch. He couldn’t tease her the way he had his longtime friend. She was just so innocent.

But she’d always been good at reading him, even when he tried to hide his thoughts. She must have seen something on his face that gave her courage because she nodded to herself. “Suzaku, I order you to kiss me.”

Euphie had ordered him to love her once, and her words had anchored him at a time when he’d thought he was just about to die. But this was different. There was a different weight in what Euphie had just said. It wasn’t a command, not really. It was another extended hand, Euphie being his guiding light, like she always was.

He was in such awe with her that he didn’t immediately move to obey. The moment of hesitation cost him. Her face went crimson and she started shaking her head furiously. “I mean… No, I mean… If you want to. Not like that…”

If Suzaku had been inclined to refuse her, he definitely would have changed her mind after that. She was adorable when she was embarrassed, her cheeks even deeper in shade than the pink gowns she favored.

He couldn’t hold back any longer. “It would be my honor, my princess, to kiss you.”

And it was. It really was. In fact, it was so much more than that. It was pure bliss. When he did pull her into his arms and pressed their mouths together, like he had promised, it was like his own taste of heaven. Her lips trembled against his and she melted against him, sweet, warm, and so very welcoming.

A part of him wanted to just pin her against the wall, rip off her gown, and bury himself inside her. But she deserved so much better than that. Anyone could walk in on them here. Besides, he didn’t want to rush her. Now that they were here, at the SAZ, he’d have time to prove his affection properly.

And so, he broke their kiss with a mental promise to do more in the future. “Did that please you, my lady?”

Euphie’s face was even redder than before and her eyes a little glazed. But even so, she answered him, beautiful in her fearlessness. “You know it did. It was everything I wanted.”

Her admission made Suzaku’s heart skip a beat. And when he kissed her again, for a second time, he thought that maybe, it wasn’t too late for him. Maybe even someone like him could have hope and love.

****

_Six. Euphie_

Suzaku stood next to Euphie’s bed, watching her pale, motionless form. Ten minutes ago, the monitors had flatlined. The doctors had officially declared Euphie dead. And that boy… that V.V. person had come and revealed the horrible truth to Suzaku.

It still seemed so outlandish, but nothing else could explain what had happened. Suzaku knew Euphie. She would have never given the order to execute the Japanese, and she definitely wouldn’t have shot people herself. She’d done that too. Suzaku hadn’t been there to witness it, but he’d heard whispers about what had happened, about Princess Euphemia starting shooting with a machine gun in the crowd. Granted, none of them seemed as outraged about what had happened as he was, but the conversations were still telling.

“Do you think she planned it?” one Britannian soldier had asked. “It’s pretty unexpected of Princess Euphemia.”

“I don’t know, but either way, those Numbers had it coming.”

“Poor Princess Cornelia… I can’t imagine how she’ll react to this.”

Suzaku couldn’t care less about Princess Cornelia. The only thing he could think about was Euphie’s final moments.

“Are the Japanese happy?” she had asked.

And he’d been helpless to do anything for her, helpless to save her. He’d only been able to offer a few comforting lies. “The SAZ is a great success.”

It wasn’t. The SAZ was a massacre, and Zero was building his rebellion using the blood Euphie had spilled. Blaming her--even if she’d done nothing wrong, even if the only thing she’d ever wanted was peace.

Zero. Lelouch, if V.V. was to be believed. The creature who’d used a cursed power to twist Euphie’s mind and turn her into a murderer.

Suzaku knelt by Euphie’s bedside. She had given him so much, warmth, hope, kindness, love. And now, she was gone.

It was his fault. If only he hadn’t let her go alone with Zero. He’d known Zero couldn’t be trusted. He’d known Zero was dangerous. But Euphie had believed, and he’d wanted to believe too--and now she was dead.

His hand shook as he reached out to touch her again. He almost didn’t dare to, but he knew this was his last chance. The royal family would come to take her body--dear God, her body--away.

He brushed his fingers over her cheek. It took everything in his power to not recoil. It was so cold, like ice. So wrong. Euphie had always been so warm.

But even so, he didn’t pull away. It was still Euphie. His Euphie, his princess, his love.

He didn’t deserve her. He never had, and maybe in a way, this was his punishment too, for thinking even for a moment that he did. But those dreams--the dreams he’d shared with Euphie--were dust now.

“I’ll avenge you, Euphie,” he whispered. “For your sake, I’ll find and kill Zero.”

He dared to throw her arms around her one last time. She couldn’t hug him back anymore, and her soft lilac scent was almost gone, replaced by the sterile smell of antiseptic and the nauseating one of blood. But when he buried his nose in her hair, there was still a mild trace of her perfume and Suzaku could almost imagine that she was truly there with him, that their story wasn’t over.

But that was just an illusion, and not one he could cling to. Suzaku pulled away and retrieved his watch from his pocket.

He had sworn, when he’d killed his father, that he wouldn’t resort to those methods again. That no longer mattered.

In the skies of Tokyo tonight, he would become a murderer too. There was nothing left now, nothing except revenge.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, with this mammoth of a chapter. I missed two Code Geass aniversaries - the Requiem and the CG's actual birthday. But it's a celebration today too! Euphie's birthday - so I'm compensating with this extra big thing.
> 
> Once again, this is for everyone in C's World. You guys are awesome! Also, you indulge me far too much in my insanity. I hope you enjoy this :D

_Seven. Lelouch  
  
_

The Euro-Britannian cell was small, surrounded by transparent walls that made Suzaku feel even more boxed in than he’d already been. He sat on the floor, hugging his legs and wondering how he’d landed himself in this position.

After he’d found out Lelouch was Zero and dragged his former friend in front of his father, everything had gotten out of hand so quickly. He hadn’t really been thinking when he’d done that. He’d known he needed to avenge Euphie’s death, but when he and Lelouch had been face to face, in the cave, he just hadn’t been able to make himself do the deed.

He should have. He’d sworn an oath of loyalty to her, and it was his fault that she was gone. He should have protected her, but he’d failed. The least he could have done was killed her brutal murderer.

But in the end, his hand had shaken on the gun, and he’d brought Lelouch to Emperor Charles instead. He didn’t know what he’d expected. Certainly not mercy. Execution, most likely, though he didn’t want to think about it now. It would have been well-deserved, after what Lelouch had done to Euphie.

And yet, it hadn’t happened. And Suzaku had learned another horrifying bit of information. Emperor Charles had Geass too, one that could be used to twist people’s memories. It was horrifyingly similar to what Lelouch had done to Euphie, so in that sense it was a fitting punishment. And yet, Suzaku couldn’t help but feel a little sick whenever he thought back at that moment when he’d held his former friend’s eye open and forced him to face his father.

He supposed it didn’t matter anymore. They were stuck in Euro-Britannia, captives of the rebel Shin Hyuga Shaing. Once again, Suzaku had failed in this mission, though this time, his charge was someone he hated with all his might.

Lelouch sat in front of him on a bench, dazed and confused. The emperor’s Geass had wiped away Lelouch’s memories of his mother and Nunnally, but he had been fighting it.

“Could you bring me some water?” he asked softly. “Please.” 

It wasn’t the first time Lelouch had asked Suzaku this. He kept asking, over and over, reaching for water like he was a man lost in the desert. Suzaku didn’t know why that was, but he’d never had any particular interest in catering to Lelouch’s whims, not after what he’d done.

He could have ignored Lelouch again, but he decided against it. He got up and made his way to the second bench, pouring Lelouch some water into a mug.

The pure, almost beatific smile Lelouch got on his face when Suzaku offered him the water was unbearable to watch. Anger and hatred bubbled inside him, threatening to suffocate him.

How dare he? How dare he experience any kind of happiness, when he’d robbed so many people of it, when he’d deprived Euphie of her happiness, her life, and her future? He’d extinguished her light so brutally. He didn’t deserve to live.

Almost on automatic pilot, Suzaku reached for Lelouch and wrapped his hands around Lelouch’s throat. He should have killed Lelouch in the cave, but he’d been too much of a coward to do it then. He could still fix his mistake. Lelouch’s fragile windpipe was right there. All Suzaku had to do was twist.

The emperor would be angry and he’d probably want to punish him for his disobedience. But that was all right. Euphie was far more important than his position as the Knight of Seven--than anything, really.

He squeezed and squeezed, his fingers digging into the sensitive flesh. So close. So close. Just a little further. _Kill him. Kill him. Avenge her. Come on._

Before Suzaku could bring himself to fulfill his duty to his princess, Lelouch spoke again. “Suzaku… Kill me…”

A single tear flowed down his cheek, and that eye--the eye branded with the cursed imprint of Geass--glittered with some unnamed emotion. Suzaku’s heart skipped a beat. Unable to stop himself, he let go and took a step back.

As he watched Lelouch cough and try to draw in air, he felt like more of a failure than ever. Even now, even now he couldn’t do it. Why? It should have been so easy. Lelouch was a monster. The mere memory of Euphie’s last words, of her last moments, should have been more than enough to shatter the last remnants of Suzaku’s broken friendship with Lelouch.

He plopped down on the bench, feeling like he’d run a marathon, his head spinning and his heart racing. And then, Lelouch reached out to him again, his voice so joyful it hurt to hear. “Suzaku… Hey, Suzaku.”

Suzaku stared at Lelouch. This was all wrong. This shouldn’t have happened. Why? Why had Lelouch…? Why had he…? What could have made him…?

Lelouch smiled, and memories flashed through Suzaku’s mind--images of simpler, beautiful days when he had been so happy, when he’d found something so real. He remembered a kind, gentle hand, the warmth of an honest smile, a gifted origami, the sound of feminine laughter.

“Let’s rescue her,” he whispered before he could stop himself. “You and me. Let’s go find Nunnally.”

The last he’d heard of Nunnally, she had been brought to Pendragon and was within the emperor’s reach again. Suzaku didn’t trust Lelouch, but he did still believe one thing from what his former friend had said. Nunnally wasn’t safe there.

Lelouch’s face went blank so quickly it was almost startling to see. Another tear flowed down his cheek. “Nunnally…” he croaked out. “Suzaku… Please…”

When he collapsed again, Suzaku wasn’t surprised. Lelouch started to scream, clutching his head, trying to fight the torture of Charles’s Geass. “No! Where am I? Suzaku? Where? How? Help me! Help me!”

The fit ended almost as abruptly as it began. Suzaku watched it impassively, all the while reminding himself Lelouch deserved this and more.

Euphie had cried on her death bed too. And all she’d ever wanted was for people to be happy. Compared to that, Lelouch’s pain was meaningless.

Once Lelouch’s screams stopped, he just lay there, like a puppet with his strings cut. Suzaku didn’t know why he moved. Before he knew what he was doing, he was getting up and returning to Lelouch’s side. As he knelt in front of Lelouch’s fallen body, Lelouch lifted his head. He smiled a little, and it was as sweet as before, almost unsuited to his face. That eye… It still glinted malevolently, taunting Suzaku.

All of this… That was the source. That accursed Geass. Gritting his teeth, Suzaku grabbed the eyepatch Lelouch had dropped on the floor earlier. He tied it back, ignoring the way Lelouch twitched slightly against him.

At one point, the gem that had adorned the eyepatch had fallen. It was only fitting, because that too had been a reminder of the truth hiding behind the mask. Lelouch was a prince turned terrorist, not a mere strategist of the empire. If he wanted to be honest, Suzaku had hated that mask almost as much as he hated Lelouch, but for now… For now, maybe he needed it. At least a little.

Lelouch didn’t protest having his eye covered. Once Suzaku was done, he sat down on the floor. Lelouch scuttled to his side, still clumsy, but apparently eager for the closeness.

He leaned against Suzaku and wrapped one arm around Suzaku’s waist in a half-hug. It was a mockery of an embrace and Suzaku tensed the moment Lelouch touched him. Still, he didn’t pull away. “Suzaku…” Lelouch whispered, closing his eyes. “Give me water.”

His voice went softer as he slumped against Suzaku’s shoulder. He smelled the same, and he was just as warm as he’d always been. Why? How could a murderer still wear the face of Suzaku’s former friend? Why was this happening?

****

_Eight. Lelouch  
  
_

It was the night before the Zero Requiem. Suzaku Kururugi was dead--and yet, he wasn’t, not yet. He stood in front of his emperor’s bedchambers, cursing himself for a fool.

He didn’t know why he’d come here tonight, what he’d hoped to accomplish through this clandestine visit. No, he did. The witch had been the one who’d pushed him into it.

“You should speak to him one last time,” she’d said. “Get everything you want to say off your chest.”

“And how do you know there’s still something I want to tell him?”

She’d arched a brow at him and shot him an unimpressed look. As far as he was concerned, she had no right to look judgmental. She’d betrayed Lelouch first. It was the cursed Geass she’d given Lelouch that had killed Euphie.

Even so, he hadn’t been able to ignore the truth of her words. “Does it really matter anymore?”

“It matters,” she’d told him. “By this time tomorrow, he’ll be gone, and all you’ll have left is regrets. So go. Speak with him.”

She’d sounded like she spoke from experience, and maybe that was why he’d listened to her and gone. And now that he was here, he couldn’t turn around and leave. He knocked at the door.

“Yes?” Lelouch’s voice called out from inside. “What is it, Orange?”

Orange. Of course Lelouch thought Jeremiah was the one coming to see him. C.C. never knocked and Suzaku wasn’t supposed to be here at all.

“I’m not Orange,” he said as he opened the door.

Lelouch looked up from the papers he’d been studying. “Suzaku? What is it? Is anything wrong?”

The words themselves were wrong. There was no world in which what they were planning would feel right for Suzaku. Tomorrow, he’d take Lelouch’s life with his own hands. It would be their punishment--Lelouch’s, for what he’d done to Euphie, and Suzaku’s, for all the death and blood on his hands, for being unable to protect her, and, in the end, for being unable to protect Lelouch too.

Why had he come here? They’d already said everything that needed to be said. He’d already stashed the Zero costume and would change into it come morning. He’d been an idiot to listen to the witch.

But he was here now and Lelouch was still looking at him. “Suzaku?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he said. “I was just wondering… Do you want to watch the stars?”

It was a stupid request. He didn’t even know where it had come from. Why would Lelouch want to do something as trivial as watching the stars?

And yet, Lelouch’s lips twisted into a tiny smile. “Like we did when we were at the Kururugi shrine, you mean? I’d like that, Suzaku.”

He abandoned the papers--Suzaku had the sneaking suspicion he’d just been using whatever he had on hand to distract himself--and opened the terrace doors. Together, they walked outside and sat down on the grass.

When Suzaku had been a little boy, he and Lelouch has stared up at the stars and dreamed of a world where Nunnally could walk and see, where there would be no hatred, only peace. He had imagined he’d follow in his father’s footsteps and become prime minister of Japan, to support Lelouch’s future plans. His studies had never progressed faster than during that summer he’d spent with his Britannian friends.

There was very little left of those dreams now, but what did remain was their desire for peace. He only wished they hadn’t been forced to pay such a high price for it.

“You know, Suzaku, when we grew up in Pendragon, Euphie, Nunnally, and I would stay like this and watch the stars too,” Lelouch suddenly said. “It was so soothing then. It didn’t occur to me to think about how small we all were, in the big picture. But we’re not so small now, are we?”

“Are you trying to remind me of my duty, Your Majesty?”

Lelouch shook his head. “I know better than that, Suzaku. I know you’ll keep your promise to me, and to her. But even so… I’m still selfish. Maybe, we can be small for a while longer. What do you think?”

He smiled again, and it was a tired, but warm expression that made Suzaku’s heart twist in his chest. “Yes,” he replied. “It’s what I want to.”

Except that wasn’t exactly true, was it? He wanted more than that. He always had, even when he shouldn’t have. He’d constantly stopped himself from reaching for Lelouch, at first because he hadn’t wanted to endanger his friend, and then, because of Euphie. What was the point of stopping himself now? Watching the stars was all well and good, but he wanted more.

The witch had been right. They needed this. They both needed this. It wouldn’t provide closure. Even now, Suzaku was sure that Lelouch’s death would leave behind a wound that would never heal, just like Euphie’s had. And maybe he would just be making things worse by reaching out now, by taking something that would be forever beyond his grasp tomorrow. It was bad enough that he had to kill a friend. To kill a lover? So much worse.

But maybe Anya had been right about him all along and he was a masochist. He didn’t let those doubts stop him. He leaned in a little closer and let his lips hover right over Lelouch’s.

He’d done something similar before, back at Ashford Academy. Back then, he’d hesitated because he was a Number. Today, something else gave him pause. He just wasn’t comfortable with actually pushing Lelouch into this. He was still Lelouch’s knight, and it just wasn’t appropriate.

Still, the proximity between them alone made Lelouch’s eyes widen. “Suzaku? What are you doing?”

“I think you know, Your Majesty,” Suzaku replied. They were so close to one another Lelouch’s face was practically a blur. But his eyes glittered, the amethyst Suzaku had loved chased away by the crimson of Geass. Suzaku hated it, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Lelouch to put on his contacts. Not tonight.

Lelouch shivered against him, and it wasn’t because of the wind blowing through the gardens. “This is a horrible idea.”

“We’ve done worse things. Please.”

Lelouch didn’t deny him, not that Suzaku had expected him to. The attraction between them had always been there. They just hadn’t addressed it because of all the baggage in their lives. But they would address it now, tonight. Maybe there were still lies and secrets between them, but in this, at least, they would finally be honest.

People lied because they wanted to achieve something. Tomorrow, Suzaku and Lelouch would tell the world’s greatest lie, and they’d bring about peace through it. But Suzaku wanted one last taste of guilty honesty, before he fully threw aside all his truth and surrendered to the mask of Zero.

He kissed Lelouch and was gratified when Lelouch kissed him back. It was a little clumsy, as Lelouch was obviously inexperienced. But Suzaku didn’t mind. He took his time, needing to savor every second of this, to imprint it in his memory.

Lelouch wrapped his arms around Suzaku and pulled him closer. There was a desperation in his hold, a secret plea, a wish almost as strong as Lelouch’s Geass. And something snapped inside Suzaku.

He shoved Lelouch down onto the grass and covered Lelouch’s body with his own. Lelouch had always been much skinnier and weaker than him, but still, Suzaku grabbed Lelouch’s arms and pinned them over his head with one single hand. It meant breaking the embrace, but that was all right. Suzaku had never deserved hugs and gentleness anyway. And just for tonight, he wanted to own his emperor. He wanted to brand him with his kisses, to bring Lelouch’s body pleasure before he destroyed it.

He bit on Lelouch’s lower lip and tasted blood in his mouth. It reminded him of the blood he’d have to spill tomorrow, but he didn’t let it stop him. With his free hand, he frantically started jerking at Lelouch’s clothes.

Lelouch couldn’t help him, too overwhelmed by Suzaku’s enthusiasm to even try. But that was okay. Suzaku could handle this, just like he’d be able to handle the weight of the world, once he had to.

Lelouch was an emperor, and he deserved better than a romp in the grass, where everyone could see them. But Lelouch had wanted to throw aside his title tonight too, at least a little, to be ‘small’. So Suzaku didn’t bother leaving the garden. He took off Lelouch’s clothes, peppering every part of him with frantic, harsh kisses.

It was messy, dirty, and wild. It was almost insane. Suzaku ended up not even getting rid of his own clothes at all. That uniform Lelouch had designed was ridiculous and he didn’t have the patience to peel himself out of it right now. He just fished his cock from his pants and turned Lelouch around, on all fours.

They didn’t have any lube. Suzaku hadn’t exactly come here prepared. With a dose of morbid hysteria, Suzaku thought he’d better be careful, lest Lelouch might not be able to walk to his own death tomorrow.

And he was careful, or at least, as careful as he could be under the circumstances. Since he didn’t have anything else at his disposal, he licked Lelouch open himself. He thrust his tongue into Lelouch’s willing body, reveling in the beautiful sounds of pleasure Lelouch made. “Suzaku… Agh… Suzaku…”

At this rate, Lelouch wasn’t going to last for much longer. Suzaku wanted to be inside Lelouch when his emperor came. He slicked up his cock with Lelouch’s own precum, positioned his dick at Lelouch’s opening and slid inside.

It was tight, so fucking tight it was almost painful. Lelouch went rigid, his body instinctively tensing at the invasion. Suzaku buried his face in Lelouch’s hair and bit the inside of his cheek, doing his best to let Lelouch adjust.

He almost thought Lelouch would ask him to pull out. He really should have known better. Lelouch was too stubborn for that. As the seconds ticked past, Lelouch forced himself to relax. “Come on,” he bit out between gritted teeth. “Don’t stop. It’s a little too late for gentleness.”

A little too late for gentleness. A little too late for love. Yes, it was, and Suzaku followed Lelouch’s command--because he needed to, because his body demanded it, because they both craved the pain, the pleasure, and the punishment this union represented.

Suzaku pulled out of Lelouch and thrust back in, so hard Lelouch would have probably been propelled forward if Suzaku hadn’t been holding onto him. He didn’t nail Lelouch’s prostate on the first try, but once he finally got it right, oh, it was heavenly. Lelouch let out a high-pitched scream that would have been hilarious if Suzaku had been able to feel any kind of amusement.

A dark mix of anger, lust, and greed rose inside him instead. He buried his hand in Lelouch’s hair and jerked on his head. Lelouch hissed in pain, but didn’t tell him to stop. “Harder! Harder, Suzaku!”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Suzaku replied, half out of spite, half because he couldn’t help himself. He bit Lelouch’s ear and started moving even faster. He knew he was going to leave bruises, but really, that was the least of their problems right now. He should have probably put at least some more effort into touching Lelouch’s cock, but as it turned out, he didn’t have to.

Lelouch let out one last incoherent cry and came. His ass tightened around Suzaku’s dick, and he dragged Suzaku along, over the edge. Spots dancing in his vision, Suzaku buried his cock inside Lelouch and pumped his emperor full of spunk.

Their shared orgasm was amazing, and it also ended far too quickly. When he slid out of Lelouch and let go, his emperor slumped down onto the grass, too weak to stay on his knees without Suzaku supporting him. Somehow, though, probably out of sheer stubbornness, he found enough strength to turn toward Suzaku. “That was…”

He trailed off, and Suzaku congratulated himself when for once, Lelouch was left without any clever words to hide behind. “Yes, Your Majesty?”

Lelouch’s face was already flushed from his orgasm, but it went even deeper red. “Stop looking so smug. It’s unbecoming.”

“You say that. But I’m not the one naked, covered in semen, and loving it.”

It was true, actually. Suzaku could have wiped himself down and zipped his uniform back up without too much trouble, but Lelouch was a fucking mess. And Suzaku loved it.

Lelouch glowered at him, and the expression had more fire than Lelouch had displayed in ages. Suzaku wasn’t ready to give it up. “My apologies, Your Majesty. It was my mistake. I’ll clean it up.”

And with that, he tumbled Lelouch back onto the grass and licked him clean, his own semen mingling with Lelouch’s on his tongue. He very carefully did not think about the fact that this was the only time he’d ever get to have this.

****

_Nine. Lelouch_

Standing on the street, facing Lelouch’s parade, felt like being on the edge of a horrible abyss. It was like Suzaku was the one about to be executed. If only that had been true. But that was a selfish wish, because for him, death would be a mercy he didn’t deserve.

The crowd stared at him, shocked by Zero’s appearance. The Black Knights had told everyone Zero had died in the Tokyo explosion. That had concerned Suzaku a little when Lelouch had come up with this plan, but Lelouch had sworn up and down that he could say he’d just been very badly wounded and the Black Knights had lied to protect their leader from the evil demon emperor. Everyone would believe it, because how could they not?

Suzaku hoped so, because at this point, there was truly no turning back. Taking a deep breath, he started running forward. Knightmare bullets showered the street, but he dodged them with ease. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. He didn’t even need the Geass curse to dodge. The knightmare pilots hadn’t been told to not aim for him as Lelouch wasn’t sure what would happen when his Geass was gone from them, but it made no difference. He was too fast for them to hit him.

From there, Orange took over. As planned, he commanded the others to not attack, pretending to engage Suzaku himself. Suzaku wondered if Orange was truly as at ease with this whole thing as he seemed. He supposed it didn’t matter right now.

Jumping on Jeremiah’s shoulder, he landed on the float. Another leap forward took him in front of the bound Nunnally, but he didn’t stop. Within seconds, he was at the very top, facing his worst enemy, his lover, and the man he’d loved most in his life.

Lelouch stood and pulled out a gun, putting up the perfect facade, just like they’d planned. “Fool!”

Disarming him was almost as easy as kissing him had been. Everything after that hurt so much Suzaku wanted to scream. But he didn’t scream. He didn’t hesitate. Because now that they were actually standing there, in front of one another, Lelouch let his facade drop. He smiled again, and Suzaku was reminded that this was what Lelouch truly wanted.

It was Suzaku’s duty, as Lelouch and Euphie’s knight to finish this. He couldn’t falter.

_“Suzaku, you have to kill me, like you promised._

_“As planned, the world’s hatred is focused on me. All that remains is to get rid of me and break the chain of hatred._

_“The legend of Zero lives in the Black Knights. Schneizel will serve Zero too. With this, the world will be able to gather not through force of arms, but around one table for discussion. They can move forward into the future.”_

And that was the Zero Requiem. Suzaku had taken the mask and put it on. He’d accepted the responsibility Lelouch had given him. And so, he plunged his sword into Lelouch’s chest, just like he’d said he would.

Even if Lelouch had seen it coming, his eyes widened in shock when the merciless steel pierced his body. The little choked sound he made echoed in Suzaku’s ears like a sentence, and Suzaku was sure he’d hear it in his nightmares for years to come.

For the briefest instant, they just stood there, with Lelouch frozen, impaled on the Zero sword. They were so close now, almost as close as they’d been the night before. Even if he’d told himself to be strong, Suzaku couldn’t help himself. Tears filled his eyes and he stammered, “L-Lelouch…”

It was almost like a cue. Lelouch slumped forward, straight into Suzaku’s arms, in a cruel parody of an embrace. “This, then, shall be your punishment. You will live on, wearing that mask, as the knight of justice. You will no longer live as Suzaku Kururugi. You shall sacrifice your own ordinary pleasures to the world… forevermore…”

The words might have sounded harsh, but his hand was on the Zero mask now, as if he was trying to reach for Suzaku still. That, more than anything, gave Suzaku strength. “This Geass, I do accept.”

Lelouch’s limp hand slid off the mask. Suzaku pulled the sword out of the wound. And then, he just stepped aside and watched Lelouch slide down the ramp. The only thing that comforted him was the knowledge that Lelouch would die quickly now. He wouldn’t feel pain for much longer.

And there had been pain, too much pain in Lelouch’s life. By the end, he’d nearly crumbled under it. He’d still managed to sustain the weight of the Demon Emperor’s mantle, but he didn’t have to, not anymore. He was free. Why didn’t it feel like enough?

Down below, Nunnally reached for Lelouch and started to cry. And Suzaku didn’t know how, but he sensed the exact moment when Lelouch died, when he finally let go.

Nunnally’s screams were soon drowned out by the raucous cheers of the people around them. Her pain echoed the bitter anguish, guilt and despair Suzaku tasted in his mouth.

“The only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed,” Lelouch had said. At that moment, as he stood on top of the float, with the scent of his lover’s blood still heavy in his nostrils, Suzaku wondered if that would ever apply to him. Would he ever even die, or would his ‘live on’ Geass condemn him to a forever of torment?

If that was true, so be it then. “This Geass, I solemnly accept,” he repeated. “For you.”

Not for the world. Not for himself. But for Lelouch and Euphie, and the promises he had made them. For the future they had dreamed. If he hadn’t been able to defend them as their knight, he would be the knight of the world instead. His own pain was beside the point. It always had been.

****

_Ten. Lelouch and Euphie_   
  


“I think that should be it for today,” Princess Cornelia said, signaling an end to the meeting. “Unless you had anything else to add, Schneizel…?”

Schneizel fiddled with his glasses and shook his head. “I believe that for now, everything is in order. We’ve done as much damage control as possible. We always knew that the transition period would be difficult, but we’re well on our way to accomplishing it.”

“And it wouldn’t have been possible without everyone’s help,” Nunnally said. “The world is finally at peace, as we had hoped.”

Standing on the other side of the room, Suzaku idly thought that Nunnally’s ‘we’ didn’t include Cornelia and Schneizel at all. It was Lelouch she thought of when she said these things, and occasionally, maybe Euphie. For now, Nunnally was dedicated to Lelouch’s vision of peace. They were working on turning Britannia into a principality, which was very difficult even with Schneizel on their side. But Suzaku did wonder if Nunnally would eventually turn on them, once she was satisfied with what she’d accomplished. Many people underestimated her because of her handicap, but that was a huge mistake.

He shook off the thought and focused on the meeting. Since he was Zero, he was required to provide some useful input, and while he trusted Lelouch’s Geass on Schneizel, he wasn’t completely sure the man wouldn’t be able to circumvent it in some way. After all, Suzaku himself was living proof that there were workarounds, things that could help people fight a command.

“We do have to be careful,” he said. “The Black Knights will protect that peace, but we can’t claim too much power either, or people will be scared.”

“I agree, but we also have to consider the necessity of order, Zero,” Schneizel reminded him.

And therein lay the crux of their problem. At heart, Suzaku understood what Schneizel was saying and even agreed with him up to a point. But Schneizel’s idea of ‘order’ hadn’t been order at all. It had been slavery, and it was part of the reason why Suzaku had to be so careful now.

Fortunately, the Geass had dulled Schneizel’s fangs, so for now, he’d go along with whatever Suzaku commanded. “I’ll be expecting reports on new developments,” he said. “Thank you for your cooperation, Your Highnesses.”

Schneizel was the only one who answered. “Of course. You can count on us.”

Cornelia narrowed her eyes at him and glared. Suzaku wondered what she actually thought about all this. She undoubtedly still resented Lelouch for what had happened to Euphie, and rightly so, but what did she make of the Requiem?

Nunnally… Nunnally was an entirely different puzzle. They hadn’t gotten the chance to talk properly since Lelouch’s death. Nunnally seemed determined to avoid him, and Suzaku didn’t blame her at all. She knew he was the one behind Zero’s mask, but she hadn’t approached him to talk about it. It was probably better anyway. She needed to process and Suzaku needed to… He didn’t know what he needed, but it certainly wasn’t to look into Nunnally’s accusing eyes.

Not for the first time, he wished things could have been different. After so many years, Lelouch had met Nunnally’s eyes--but he’d seen them in the same way Suzaku was now, accusing and angry. He’d lost his sister to the dream they’d shared, and that was perhaps the cruelest thing Suzaku had done, the fact that he’d allowed this to happen and had even pushed for it, even when he’d known how important Nunnally was for Lelouch.

Exhausted, Suzaku left the meeting room and headed for his personal quarters. When he was finally behind closed doors, he allowed his shoulders to slump, his perfect facade crumbling.

He pulled off his mask and set it aside. “Lelouch… Euphie… Did we… Did I really do the right thing?”

There was no one there to answer. The room itself was almost empty, bare of any kind of personal possessions. Other than his suits and undergarments, he had next to no clothes. He’d kept nothing from his old life. His belongings had either been burned or buried in the grave that was just another part of their ‘Geass on the world.’ Arthur was the only one who occasionally shattered the illusion, but today, she wasn’t here.

Still, there was something Suzaku had kept, one item he hadn’t thrown out. Suzaku opened the small safe in his nightstand and retrieved the box from inside. The security code was simple, because, like the contents of the box, it was a reminder of the two people Suzaku had loved most in his life. The two people he had failed in the worst way.

Ten. Eleven. Five. Twelve. Nine. Twenty-eight. 

Euphie’s birthday. Lelouch’s birthday. And finally, the date of the Requiem, when he’d finally fulfilled his duty to both of them.

The box opened. Inside, nestled on a comfortable bedding of silk, lay his two remaining tokens of knighthood. Euphie’s and Lelouch’s.

He’d carried Euphie’s token with him every single day, throughout his time as the Knight of Seven. In truth, he had never felt in any way loyal to Charles. In his heart, it was always his princess he’d wanted to serve. And then, there had been Lelouch, his one and only emperor.

He sat down on his bed, cradling the two tokens. Euphie’s token had lost some of its shine, because he’d clutched it so many times in his gloved fist. Lelouch’s token was starting to show signs of wear too. Before the Requiem, he’d never touched it. He’d set it aside and mostly forgotten about it. But at the time, it hadn’t been necessary, because Lelouch had been within touching distance.

Now, Lelouch was dead, and this signet was the only thing Suzaku had left of his emperor. That, and his memories. Other than that, he was alone.

The sound of feminine laughter echoed in the room, and Suzaku lifted his head, looking around wildly.

“Don’t be silly, Suzaku,” a familiar voice said. “You’re never alone.”

And then, she emerged from the shadows, and Suzaku’s breath froze in his lungs. It was her. It was Euphie. She looked just as beautiful as she had the day he’d last seen her, lying so motionless and pale in the medical bay of the Avalon. No, more beautiful than that, because she looked alive.

“What…? What’s going on? Am I dreaming?”

“Of course you’re not dreaming, silly,” Euphie replied. She turned toward the shadow she’d just come from and let out an irritated sound. “Well? Come out already.”

There was no response, and Euphie rolled her eyes. She reached into the shadow and pulled. A few seconds later, Lelouch stumbled forward, into the light.

He was dressed in his Ashford uniform, and he shot Suzaku an awkward smile. “Err… Hi.”

“L-Lelouch? Is that really you?”

“So it would appear.”

Suzaku got up, fumbling slightly with the tokens as he set them aside. Like a man in a dream, he stumbled forward. Lelouch and Euphie stepped back, twin looks of regret on their faces. “I’m sorry,” Euphie said. “You can’t really touch us.”

“But how… How is this possible?”

“Geass,” Lelouch answered. “I can still use it to channel the powers of the world of C, to a certain extent.”

“Of course it was Geass,” Suzaku whispered. “It’s always Geass.”

A shadow of grief and guilt crossed Euphie’s features, before melting away into determination. “I know what you’re thinking, Suzaku, but you can’t blame yourself or Lelouch for what happened anymore. You meant well and you fought so hard. You’ve always wanted to make people happy, and now you have.”

Suzaku wanted to tell her that it wasn’t so simple, but he knew better. Euphie wasn’t naive enough to think that their good intentions justified everything they’d done. She didn’t seem to resent Lelouch for killing her, or for turning her into the Massacre Princess, but she’d always been so much kinder than other people--kinder than the world deserved.

“The price was too high, especially for you, Suzaku,” Lelouch said in his stead. “And I realize now… I realize it was selfish of me to expect you to carry everything.”

Suzaku’s eyes widened at Lelouch’s words. “No, Your Majesty. It’s my honor to be--”

“Oh, shut up, Suzaku,” Euphie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve had quite enough of this. Do you have any idea how it felt like, to be stuck there, watching you tear each other apart over me, when I loved you both so much?”

Her eyes filled with tears. Suzaku stood there, frozen, unable to reach for her, even if he desperately wanted to. “You were both so angry and grief-stricken, and you never listened to one another, and when you finally did, it was to do that, and… I never wanted that… I only ever wanted you to be happy.”

It occurred to Suzaku that if Euphie had been watching him and Lelouch in some way, she must have seen them having sex. At the time, he hadn’t thought that he was betraying his love for Euphie by sleeping with Lelouch, and even now, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He loved them both. He loved them both so much. What was he supposed to do here?

He looked at Lelouch, but he was as useless as Suzaku was. “Euphie… Uh… Please don’t cry…”

Of course, that only made Euphie cry harder. She ended up throwing herself in Lelouch’s arms and hugging him. And then, much to Suzaku’s shock, she pressed her mouth to Lelouch’s.

Suzaku considered himself fairly open-minded. There was no room for modesty in the Britannian army, and even most Britannian royalty tended to be open about their sexuality. Suzaku had heard more comments about Prince Schneizel’s tastes from Earl Maldini than he’d have ever liked.

But still, this was a little surprising. And it wasn’t just because Euphie and Lelouch were half-siblings, or because Euphie had been far shier with him. He just found it… strangely appealing.

Lelouch being Lelouch, he flailed, unsure what to do with his hands. Then Euphie pressed her breasts to his chest, and instinct took over. Lelouch wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. 

It was different than the kisses Suzaku had shared with Lelouch and Euphie both. And even if they’d presumably come here for him, Suzaku didn’t feel excluded. Just having them there, within his reach, was a gift he’d never expected to receive.

Euphie broke the kiss, her face as red as a tomato. Suzaku grinned at her. “You haven’t changed. Always so impulsive.” It was part of what he’d loved about her. In that sense, she and Lelouch could have been considered complete opposites. Except Lelouch was just as impulsive about the people he loved, and Euphie could be very cunning when she tried.

Looking at them standing side by side, it occurred to Suzaku that he really did have a type. He’d never had a chance at resisting them.

Lelouch sighed, looking hunted and rattled. “Look… We didn’t actually come here to do… that. I don’t actually want to… er… get in the way. I just…”

“Lelouch, don’t be an idiot,” Euphie said. “Suzaku doesn’t mind, does he? He loves you and he loves me. And we love him. So stop sulking. We’re supposed to be reassuring our knight here.”

Lelouch still looked a little doubtful, so Suzaku just arched a brow at him. “I think we should listen to the expert on this one, Lelouch.”

“Fine. As always, you’ll get your way, Euphie.”

He didn’t sound too put out. In fact, he sounded happy. And it was a gift, because Suzaku hadn’t seen Lelouch truly happy in what felt like forever.

Euphie’s forgiveness had lifted a great weight off his shoulders. All the blood they’d shed could never truly be wiped from their hands, but maybe, it wasn’t impossible to have at least a few stolen moments of happiness.

It was what Euphie wanted too. “I told you, Suzaku. I just want the people I love to be happy. And even if I… Even if… Even if there’s been so much loss, I still want that.

“I can’t change the past. I can’t change what we’ve done. But there’s still the future. And I will still fight for that.”

When Suzaku reached for her, his hand went right through her, and it hurt. But Suzaku had never been able to tell her no, and that hadn’t changed since her death.

Maybe he should have wondered if he was imagining it all, if his mind had finally broken and he was hallucinating. But he knew that wasn’t possible, because he’d have never dared to dream for such things.

So even if he knew it was selfish, he accepted the affection Euphie and Lelouch offered. And when Euphie and Lelouch somehow managed to hug him, wrapping ghostly arms around him, he cried. This was enough. It was more than he deserved. He had them back, and it was a gift he was unworthy of.

****

_Plus One. Lelouch and Euphie_

When Suzaku cracked his eyes open, the first thing he became aware of was the sound of low voices.

“There’s nothing we can do. At this point, we’re just fighting the unavoidable. We’ve tried everything.”

“No! My favorite part! There has to be a way…”

“Llloyd! Now isn’t the time for that!

“Big brother Schneizel, surely you can find a solution. You said you were making headway in your research, did you not?”

“Yes, Nunnally, but it’s much too slow to make a difference.”

Suzaku blinked away the dizziness in his vision and tried to remember what had happened. He reached for his eyes, only to find that his limbs were too weak to move. And fuck, every muscle in his body hurt. He’d been in pain plenty of times and he was used to it, but it had never been quite this bad.

God, this sucked. What had happened?

He was lying in a hospital bed and he couldn’t for the life of him remember how that had come to pass. He assumed his Geass curse must have kicked in. But that hadn’t happened in a while. God, why couldn’t he remember?

A gentle, ghostly hand landed on his, snapping him out of his panic. “You shouldn’t put so much strain on yourself, Suzaku. You’re very ill.”

As soon as he heard Euphie’s voice, Suzaku relaxed. By now, she was so familiar to him. Since that day, after the Requiem, she and Lelouch had constantly come to visit him. Some days, when the mask had weighed particularly hard on him, the two of them were the only thing that got him through it. And today, Lelouch was right there, by her side.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice so weak he almost didn’t recognize it.

Euphie hesitated. She squeezed his hand a little harder, to the point that Suzaku thought he could almost feel her heat. Meanwhile, Lelouch sat on the bed on Suzaku’s other side.

“Suzaku… You… You may not remember this, but it looks like… Well, experimental models of knightmare frames had some unexpected downsides. The higher energy output was very dangerous in the long run. Your body is collapsing on itself because of the radiation.”

Suzaku’s mind went blank. He hadn’t expected that at all. He assumed he must have found out about it at some point in the past, but if he had, he couldn’t remember.

His own condition didn’t matter that much though. He wasn’t the only pilot who’d been using a powerful knightmare. “Gino? Kallen?”

“They’re somewhat better off,” Lelouch explained. “They didn’t spend quite as much time as you in an experimental knightmare. They’ve been affected, but it’s not as bad for them as it is for you.”

Suzaku nodded. That made sense. The Lancelot Trial had been the very first model and when Suzaku had first piloted it, he hadn’t even had an ejection seat. Suzaku had no doubt that Lloyd had done his best and hadn’t scrimped on material. But it probably hadn’t occurred to him that this could happen, because it never had, with long-time pilots of Glasgows or Sutherlands.

He’d also been on the front a lot after leaving Japan. He supposed that in a way, this was suitable. He’d earned the name ‘the White Reaper’ with blood shed by his beloved machine. It stood to reason that he might die because of it.

“I guess you were right after all, Lelouch. The only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed. I’m not as different as I thought.”

He meant the words for Lelouch’s ears alone--and perhaps Euphie’s--but he must have spoken louder than he’d expected, because the other people in the room heard him. They all turned toward the bed.

“Suzaku?” Cecile gasped. “You’re awake!”

She rushed to his side, followed by Lloyd, Rakshata, Schneizel, and Nunnally. Suzaku noted that all of them kept their distance from the spots Euphie and Lelouch occupied.

Cecile was standing closest to Lelouch and she shivered slightly when she came very close to brushing against him. But she’d always been very determined and right now, she was focusing on Suzaku. “How do you feel?”

Suzaku shrugged. “Like a dying man, I suppose.”

“Oh, don’t say that, please,” Nunnally cried. “We’re still searching--”

“No, you’re not,” Suzaku cut her off. “I heard you talking just now.”

Maybe it was cruel to say that. Suzaku did appreciate all the support Nunnally had given him. Even if they’d had trouble at first, Nunnally had come to forgive him in time, and they’d worked well together to fulfill Lelouch’s dreams. He’d never told her about Lelouch and Euphie, though, about what he saw, and he was glad for it now.

The Geass in Suzaku’s mind awoke, screaming at him once again. He didn’t know why it had been quiet until now. Maybe Lelouch’s presence had quieted it. Either way, it didn’t matter. It reminded him of the duty he still had.

“Nunnally… My… The Zero suit. I need it. Have… Have Sayoko bring it here.”

Fortunately, there were benefits to being on one’s death bed, in that no one questioned him. Nunnally and the others contacted Sayoko, and it didn’t take Lelouch’s former maid long to show up, with a small bag. She bowed lowly as she set the bag next to him.

“Suzaku-sama. Can I be of any assistance?”

“Sayoko… I’m dying, but the world still needs Zero.” He reached into the bag and produced the helmet. “I want you to be the next person to carry this mantle.”

Sayoko’s breath caught. Schneizel’s eyes flickered as his Geass started getting confused about what was happening. But Lelouch was still there.

Unseen and unheard, he made his way to Schneizel’s side and brushed his fingers over Schneizel’s cheek. “I think Lelouch would have liked that too,” Suzaku said at the same time. “He was Zero. I am Zero. And Sayoko, you will be Zero.”

“Yes, Suzaku-sama,” Sayoko replied, bowing once again as she took the mask. “I understand.”

As soon as she did that, a huge weight fell off Suzaku’s shoulders. Somehow, he found that he could move again. He got up and reached for Euphie and Lelouch.

Impossibly, they were right there in front of him. He threw his arms around them both and pulled them close, as close as he possibly could. “You’re here. You’re really here.”

The three-way embrace was the best thing he’d felt in his life. Euphie and Lelouch were both so warm, almost impossibly so. The perfume of Euphie’s hair was as strong as it had always been. Lelouch felt so solid, and his hand--that strong hand that had held the whole world in its grip--was gentle and familiar in Suzaku’s hair. “It’s okay now, my knight,” he said. “Everything is going to be okay.”

Suzaku opened his mouth to answer, but he didn’t get the chance to say a word. Somewhere in the room, Nunnally and Cecile burst into tears.

Suzaku blinked and became aware of the sound of the long beep now echoing around them. The monitors had flatlined. His own dead body lay in the bed, mere feet away from him.

Maybe he should have considered the view morbid. Maybe it should have scared him. But instead, Suzaku just felt free and relieved.

He didn’t even recognize the face of the man in the bed. He looked pale and gaunt, his hair having almost completely fallen off. He was like a wraith, a shadow of his former self. But that was okay too, because he’d felt like a wraith in his own body for years.

“I’m sorry, Suzaku,” Lelouch said. “I should have been able to come for you sooner.”

The genuine grief and guilt in Lelouch’s voice made Suzaku turn away from the sight of his corpse. “Huh?”

“You shouldn't have had to suffer for so long,” Lelouch elaborated, his jaw clenched so tightly the words were barely understandable. “I tried... But there are rules even I can’t break. ”

Suzaku wondered if his Geass curse had indeed done something to him, something that had forced him to live longer than he should have. It was possible, and it must have hurt. He couldn’t remember it, though, and even if he had, it wouldn’t have mattered. “You’re here now. And we can finally go, right?”

Euphie laughed and kissed his cheek. "Yes, we can go. And we can finally team up properly to make sure Lelouch stops blaming himself for stupid things. Honestly, sometimes, he’s just absurd."

She hooked her right arm through Lelouch’s and her left through Suzaku’s, and when she grinned at him, Suzaku’s heart skipped a beat. Technically speaking, he shouldn’t have had a pulse at all, but as always, Euphie managed the impossible.

"Let’s go then," Lelouch said, with a half-knowing, half-exasperated smile.

And with that, the three of them faded from the hospital room. The legend of Zero would live on, in Shinozaki Sayoko, but the people who had created it were gone forever, and had finally found peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I wasn't originally sure if I'd kill our boi. I blame you, Aki. Now you know why I changed my server nick.


End file.
